politics, class consciousness, and love
as things get more dire in the world, so does my own internal resolve
i spend a lot more time reading in my 30s than i did in my 20s. the more i read about history and theory, the further left my politics move.
the most important concept i've been able to grasp through reading leftist historians and academics is the notion of 'class consciousness'.
while there is discourse in the united states that acknowledges the poor and oppressed, there is no language to acknowledge important mechanisms by which these people become poor and oppressed. it's taboo to think of yourself as poor. and when you're poor, you do poor people shit, you save ziploc bags, and you talk very directly because the situations you have to navigate are higher stakes than those with the money not to have them. mainstream cable news discourse in american english doesn't provide the models or words to articulate this, so in lieu of being able to explain why your life is not living up to a mainsteam ideal, it brings shame.
my mom grew up working class, dealt with abuse, got her degree in the 60s, and then experienced downward mobility in the decades following due to various circumstances outside her control. we never had a lot of money, and i very much felt explicit sentiments of 'if you don't have a lot of money, your parents aren't trying hard enough.' my mom's always been unconventional and direct, but earnest and loving. it's informed by her personality as much as it is by the experience of having to fight for survival without a leg up in the world. as an emotionally perceptive person, i always detected when other parents looked down on her, but she just kept her shit moving. she always worked 10x harder than i ever have, but made a fraction of what i make now in my 30s without trying very hard. (less a flex and more perplexed at the job market)
and all of the nebulous forces that applied pressure on me as a kid informed shame in myself toward my own mom who raised and loved me. shit, being adopted AND asian AND being poor in an epicenter of suburban white cultural hubris informed a lot of shame in myself about A LOT of things.
but through my own learnings, i realize that it's human to think this way when the cultural scaffolding around you encourages it. we can all balance multiple things, but we can really only coherently have one priority. my focus as a kid was on survival. as an adult, my focus is on love, and the compassion required to act on it properly.
this leftist notion of class consciousness has become synthesized as a part of myself because it's equipped me with the ability to provide my mom with the love, dignity, and pride in her life that she needs in her end-of-life. i take this shit seriously, and while i am absolutely willing to give others grace on political beliefs or stances different than mine, i really do earnestly believe that marxist models inspire a deeper and kinder love in myself for my mom and the world at large.